Love Letters (2003)

Back in IIUM where fame is a popular concern for Wordsworth and Shakespeare-wannabes, I write numerous poems and short stories for course assignments and self collection. I wanted to become famous myself, and dreamed of becoming among rising stars in Malaysian English literature.

Anyway, findings from my old treasure troves lead me to these two semi-fictional, pseudo-Dear John Letter, which were written around mid-2003. These letters are not intended for actual posting, as I composed them out of my passion for writing at that time. I posted these letters as part of my mini anthology for our local publication house back then (The Gloomy Ghetto) and quite popular. As time passes by, I gotta admit that these letters are strangely coincident with my recent heartbreak… as if I have predicted it. Enjoy reading ‘em, lads.

OF A BOY

To my special girl,

I think I should be frank and sincere to you. I’m not going to flood in excessive greetings, or openings as usual. Let me tell you what my heart really feels.

Do you remember when we first met? I was kind of surprise when you were there to light up my life. I was totally lost at that time… don’t tell about the incident, plus my broken relationship with Z, I was hopeless. I was wandering alone to regain myself. I realize that I was attracted to you. You’re special, cheerful, and sweet as always as if happiness never leaves you.

Thank God I was in the same class with you. You really changed me, from a playful guy to a committed one, as if you’re always there for me. Whenever I’m lost, you’re there or otherwise. Wherever I go, you’ll be there too. How can I ever get you out of my head? You were always in my eyes, my heart, my soul, my books (plus side notes of yours), and my arms as I dream of you, your warmth and tender loving care. Oh girl, how much I missed that!

“Tell me boy, if I’m the girl of yours, what would you give?”

“I’ll give whatever that takes me to your heart.”

I remember that day when we took private walk down to your hostel.

I love you since we you saved me from the shadow of darkness. I love you even you didn’t notice it. I love you so much after our heart to heart confession outside your hostel. But I’m sorry dear because I love you so much.

I shouldn’t let my feelings went wild to you. I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you. I’m sorry to you and him. For months I waited for you, I cared for you, I longed for you. I’m totally hopeless after all I heard. You ditched me for another guy. I was too hoping that you would be mine.

A hopeless guy with a broken heart would dead fast. You know that girl, but it’s over between us. Let this goes to our recycle bin.

He would call me a jerk. I don’t care about that. How about our promise? Oh God please, give me a piece of love to take you girl. Can’t you see how much I missed you, thrill you and desperately longed for you? If only you could leave him…

Adieu.

Sincerely,

THE BOY

This is her reply:

OF A GIRL

To my dearest boy,

At one time I was still thinking about us. I’m very sorry for what we’ve done; uh, well perhaps I’m the one that made you like this.

Since the time I met you I guessed right that later you would be my boy. As for my heart I’d say it’s OK to accept you as a friend. Friends forever. I thought one day I asked you:

“Boy, what if I’m the girl that you’ve been looking for?”

“I wished you would be my sweetheart.”

“Tell me boy, if I’m the girl of yours, what would you give?”

“I’ll give whatever that takes me to your heart.”

Sincerely, I like you more than other guys. You changed my heart, you cheered me and you lit me with your care. I knew you loved me deep inside but I gotta lie to myself that I loved you.

Don’t blame me for having him instead of you, boy. He’s my boy before we met. You have charms that could melt every girl, and I admit that. He lacks of what you possess but he wins. People say, “The best man wins”.

Cheer up, my dear boy. Don’t take this as the end of our friendship. Perhaps later if God will, we would unite but I can’t promise you that. Tell me, that you will find another girl that is better than me.

He would not say you’re a jerk. He would not condemn you. He shall not oppress you. Boy dear, how much I love him… only you have courage to challenge him to get me but I need to decide as if “catches me if you can”.

I’m so sorry, boy. I miss you dearly.

Bye.

Faithfully,

THE GIRL